GENERAL
Be in 108 at 5:00p for a brief discussion and to ask for clarity on the below notes...
It was a huge leap forward – the show is in a great place to land a solid opening – yay!
And…
Talking backstage continues to be an issue. Moving unnecessarily backstage continues to be an issue. We can’t ask audiences to take the artistic sophistication of teenagers seriously if the same teenagers can’t control their talking and fidgeting… Be professional. I should never have to give this note.
Always use the auditorium to cross over when possible.
You should go to your next entrance spot immediately after exiting a scene.
Your costume change should be nearest your next entrance, not at your exit point – so that once changed, you’re nearest where you need to be.
Some of you are still indicating when you make a mistake, dropping character, even facepalming…be professional, please.
Some of you think that during blue outs (transitions), you can adjust clothes, hair, etc. before lights come up. Uh…no. We can see you.
This is a show about bangs in eyes. We should retitle the show “I’m Sheltered By My Bangs”… So much hair in eyes…Eia, Ana, Max, and others. This must be fixed.
AI – hair must remain in the head coverings. Head coverings must always be tucked into collars. Word is that many of you are removing costumes between scenes for comfort… I get it, but if you do, you can’t allow yourself to go back onstage looking unprofessional and sloppy.
ACT ONE
1:1
Charlie / Jasper – when you are in the close, face to face moments, be careful not to dip in volume…
Charlie – sorry for the late line change…you handled that like a pro.
Jasper – “Do you feel lonely?” – this is a big question…Tom knows he does and finally has the courage to ask…
Charlie / Jasper – when on block 3 during the lines that include “We’ll never meet IRL..” – you are not toe to toe…the angle is all weird – I think because Jasper isn’t allowing enough room for Charlie to sit…look at that together, please.
Jasper – once AI enters and you are on the block, your volume gets low…really elevate that moment, injecting more intensity…it’s a big, theatrical intro to AI and the truth about who Tom is.
1:2
Sawyer / Juliana – first lines not loud enough…
AI – the final building line as you approach Casey is messy and not together…lost the content.
Eia – nice use of bag to grab the journal as they suggest it… work on the mechanics of that so that it’s smoother…
1:3
Eia – “There’s no view” – losing the “v” – enunciate.
Eia – the “Oh my God” section still comes off as panicked… She’s not really feeling a moment of true “oh my God” – she’s saying that just as a phrase…more subtext of “Christ, this day sucks”.
Ana – “Thorns will do that” – lost the “th”, so lost the meaning – enunciate.
Eia / Ana – both need to elevate volume and be really clear when Robin enters. Be aware there is underscore and a visual distraction…so the storytelling must be stellar there.
TECH NOTE:
Olivia – take Lights 21 when Eia begins walking back to the bench, not on the line.
Eia – You’re anticipating “kind of a bitch” – you’re reacting before she’s even done with the line.
Eia – “temperature” – enunciate.
1:4
All – so much better! Great opening energy. Do this every time!
Desmond – blocking? – moved early, instead of on “where to start”.
Giuseppe – leave notebook for Jane – use the legal pad for this first scene and the other one from your other scenes…
Sunny – “Ok, but why not consider…” – entire line nearly lost do to lack of enunciation. It’s a mouthful, I know.
Sunny – “I just realized you’re one of those bad influences…” – this would be funnier as a dry delivery…and that she sort of means it, not so cute and "mocky".
1:5
Sabina – not loud enough, nor commanding enough attention…
Ana – really turn to look at her with great surprise – like an adrenaline rush hit.
Sabina – why are you inserting a pause before “Briar” in that sentence?
1:6
AI – overall, group lines sloppy – can’t understand context.
Danielle – you have an amazing vocal instrument, but the last few days, your lines have dipped in volume…project a bit more – like you usually do…
AI – Slow down “you’re a natural” – too fast to understand it…but the cheerful intent was good.
TRANSITION into 1:7
Savanah (and others) – begin leading your line very slowly when the transition music starts, lights will come up with you already in motion…
1:7
Good work – right track!
1:8
Best run of this scene yet.
1:9
Good work.
1:10
Alex – struggled this entire scene with your enunciation. You are talking through a locked jaw. Do some great warm ups!
TRANSITION into 1:11
Charlie – you can actually come in a little slower, so that it’s an obvious choice you’re entering "in scene"… and then actively listen to their loafers convo…maybe even rolling your eyes at their antics as you get settled.
1:11
Giuseppe – “That’s what gets me. That you always get me.” – it’s diving in volume so it’s hard to hear…and I don’t think the meaning of the line is clear…imbue it with more “dammit! This is SO irritating!”
Max – great timing on the cross… After your cue to leave: “went underground” - you can move faster to exit…
Jane – the sister section is getting a bit slow and bogged down… so after Nate says, “My mistake”, deliver “Is she” AS you cross to Jalen, then just stare hard at him…will tighten this up a bit.
1:12
Leo / Desmond – great laughter, but…you did it as the transition music was playing and then stopped when it stopped, so it was unclear what was happening…the burst of laugher happens when the music stops.
Desmond – “What? She’s hot.” is coming off like you’re asking Bruce not to be mad at you. Like pleading. It should be a subtext of “What’s wrong with you, man…she’s smokin’”
1:13
Maddie – you remembered! And starting standing, then lowering was correct. Great.
Sawyer – really? Dude…
Alex – again, enunciation. I know this blocking is not your favorite…look at it closely and own the moment…get those words out as you spin in the circle.
Danielle – stand in the middle of the block. By then end, half of your feet were hanging over the edge.
1:14
Sabina – better pacing at the opening. But you are saying “waving hands emoji” too fast.
Sabina – you keep rushing the word “delete”, especially the first time you say it – and so the entire context of the scene is lost. Do not say “Dleetmee” – which is what we are hearing. We need a slow, deliberate “de-lete me” – the first time.
Ana – great timing on the exit.
1:15
AI – this is the weakest and messiest scene. Many of you do not know your group lines, nor do you know the cues to say the group lines. Danielle – at least twice, the group line follows your line, so make sure you have memorized those as “one line”.
AI – last moments were great after the gasp…before that…ugh. WORK IT!
1:16
Good work!
1:17
Jane – late…not sure what happened…
Jane / Giuseppe – nice adjustment on the volume and intentions.
1:19
Ana / Eia – this scene is usually so strong… just did not feel like it was connected…that listening was happening… don’t over worry about it…just drop in
1:20
Desmond – you are late entering after the transition – go as soon as the lights begin to come up.
All – this was sloppy today. Lines missed, on top of each other, etc… But you had it the previous run…so do that!
1:18
Great – nicely energized and attacking. Keep it up!
1:21
Sabina – your voice is a bit stuck and tense…really loosen up the voice and open it up…but the delivery is nice.
Sabina – “you won’t like it” – you are saying this as though you are about to say “but”…it’s odd. It should be “You won’t like it.” Period.
Ana – Your final “what?’ in this scene can be imbued with a bit of impatience… with a bit of “tell me already”. Also – the line is really meaning “See what?!” – make sure that’s clear.
1:22
Giuseppe – you are mouthing all of Lydia’s lines before you speak. This is a common actor habit when memorization is still a bit rough…be careful of this…really obvious when on the high platform.
1:23
Maddie – make sure white toenail polish is applied.
Ana – still exiting too fast after Sabina’s line… Hear it… Freeze… Then go.
1:24
Jasper – I still think you are entering late for this transition - or…do you truly not have time to get there…?
Jasper – “polysyllabic words that mean ‘kick ass’” – losing “kick ass” in volume.
Jasper – CHANGE – remain facing downstage on “That’s not how you made me.” Then, turn to face SR as part of that pause as you let the lights and sound establish…
1:25
Charlie – your hesitancy on “I mean have you… How’s French” is really long… did you drop a line, or was that a choice? Regardless, tighten up the hesitancy a bit…
1:26
AI – I know it’s a tough entrance from off stage, but the first line is unintelligible. Those out first must be particularly loud and clear.
1:27
All - so much better – the fear – all of that… right track!
Max – you hit your dead body’s head on the set…which was hilarious…and that is not supposed to be a funny moment. I STRONGLY suggest practicing that entrance a few times on your own today…and in your defense, I know you just got the full prop…hang in there!
TECH NOTE:
We know that Izzy did not have a clear understanding of the cue… So we missed the flashlight moment. BUT, I’m changing the cue. I want it to be the second Max rises from placing the body, NOT when he gets behind the block. AND…both of you need to practice this in lighting a few times. AND…Olivia, if it ever feels too long, just go.
ACT TWO
2:1
Max – don’t step any closer to them on the “don’t go section” – a couple of micro steps is okay, but you are almost out of your light if you move any further.
2:2
Jasper – the last line, “red heart” is being delivered as a question…it’s a tender statement. “I love you…”, NOT “I love you?”
2:3
Athena – enunciation rough at the top of this scene… you are blurring syllables together.
Sunny – I think you’re pushing a bit on “I’m the one whose been scratching the walls”… I don’t think this monologue is a big, dramatic moment – not in an external way – it’s a frightening, delicate confession about something terrifying… pull that in a bit.
Sunny / Athena – when Sunny looks over her shoulder and gasps…don’t you both immediately turn back when the transition starts – hold that position for a moment in blue…then go.
INTO 2:4
Giuseppe – you don’t need to be in place when the scene starts. Walk in slower and allow lights up to happen when you’re half way there… Then travel to sit on “Of course he did”
2:4
Giuseppe – when you say “are you seriously suggesting…” – let that revelation hit you harder…I think he’s more aghast at that than it’s reading right now.
Jane – are your nails white? If so, they can’t be… That’s AI.
Jane – “Don’t we deserve answers? Don’t we deserve justice?” – the second question should be even bigger than the first…really land the righteousness of “justice”.
Giuseppe – Take a breath after “Lydia, listen to me.” Really try to bring her to your side…with calm reason…
Into 2:5
Max, you don’t enter into this scene…you get in place on the block during the transition. When lights come up, you are in place to speak. Also…I want your hood up over your beanie and head to now mirror the body during this monologue. You can then lower it off stage, so it’s down when you re-enter SL.
2:5
Ana – you need to subtly hear Ronan’s lines when he is speaking from off stage. Look up as though you feel it… This will really help this moment.
Max – “Maybe they are” – could barely hear you… And this is a note for your entire performance (which was much stronger this run! YAY!) – but… 90% of the time, when you speak a one-liner than is not a monologue, we cannot hear you…and also, it seems like you have zero intentions. It’s often a soft, bored mumble… So know this: Every. Single. Line. Every time he speaks…it is with a level of aggressive intention…part of his bitterness and vengeful assertions. You must always pull the audience to you when you speak. Every. Single. Time. There is no such thing as a soft, throw away, Ronan line. AND…when you have the final line of a scene – those REALLY must be punched up. Like: “I’ll help you” – which isn’t literal in its meaning…it really means, “I’m going to make you face your sins”.
Eia – “afraid I’ll give them life” – need more volume and enunciation.
2:6
AI – you do not exit at the end until you hear music… Lydia has a moment of silence before the transition starts. So when she steps off the block…you turn, are silent, and freeze until you hear transition music, THEN leave.
Jane – great adjustments in this scene – exactly right… And well-filled with anxiety
2:7
Charlie – did not hear a single vocal on the psychic violent moments. You need a gasp, a scream, something major every time Ronan attacks you.
Charlie / Eia – there’s no build at all on the pee moment…it’s really not working…it needs to build EXACTLY like the previous scene about time passing (the moment that leads to “don’t call me crazy”), except here, Jalen is the one in bigger crisis. The final “Oh God” has to be loud – it cues Max.
Charlie – CHANGE – when you rise from the pee moment… no longer cover your crotch… rise to stand US – then turn over your right shoulder and cross DS, then say “I’m sorry” – this way, all can see the wet pants…
2:8
Athena – “one trip” needs to be clearer to get plot across.
Desmond – not on voice again in this scene…seems hesitant and whispery.
Athena – in general, Frank seems WAY too put together in this scene…as if all the anxiety has vanished… they are still dealing with a lot here in the journey… I think the revelation they talk about at the end is huge…but also leaves them knowing they might be alone…because to stand by ethics is hard. Nail the last line… Land it. Hurt him with it.
Desmond – nail Frank with “You won’t make it long.” That continues to be a meek line, and it should be sort of aggressive. And then…do not exit until after Frank says their last line. Take a beat to take in the line, then bolt out, furious.
TECH NOTE:
Olivia, take Light 177 when Zeek bolts to leave. See previous note.
2:9
Eia – “polluted” is a bit hard to understand – enunciate.
TECH NOTE:
Olivia, lights 181 was late. You should take it immediately after “polluted”.
2:10
Great!
2:11
Max – monologue – lines…
Ana – “Oh God, what have I done?” – this is a real question of deep revelation and desperation… right now, you fly off the block, but the line is reading as rhetorical…intellectual… No… it is bleeding from your doubtful soul.
Max – you improved a lot on aggressive violent gestures…just remember never to wait for lights / sound… just gesture when you are supposed to and it will all sync up.
Max – once you pull her from the bench and she hits the floor, drive the lines, pace up, loud, aggressive, scary… Right now, it seems it’s all about trying to remember lines… AND…it should all crescendo to and I keep my promises…
Ana – you must also, once off the bench, drive your lines… no pauses…see Max’s previous note.
Max / Ana – I want to look at this before the run, on stage.
Ana – the scratching is oddly slow and tempo static…it needs more variation and frenetic chaos… That said, you are playing this moment from the bright light to the end of scene brilliantly…
2:12
Giuseppe – you sunk really late to sit - and so you were moving as Maddie came over to say the last line…that can’t happen.
2:13
Leo / Desmond – lines muddy and intentions unclear… they are all VERY anxious and on edge…and right now, it reads as sort of “chill”.
Sunny – last line off stage is unclear. Enunciate.
2:14
Max – all of these lines at the top of scene were barely audible.
ALL – remember, DO NOT WAIT FOR LIGHTS…you speak immediately after your cue line…no break at all… Charlie does this the best…
Eia – don’t cross on “we were careful” – stay right at block so you can simply sit on the transition.
Eia – “but they’re open” is not coming off as though they had an “open relationship” – meaning isn’t clear.
Giuseppe – don’t dive off the line “victim and offender, I know what…” – in fact, this line should say, fairly aggressively, “I know, Lydia, I’m not an idiot”.
Giuseppe – in general, you are a ½ second late when you start one of these scenes…
Giuseppe – “I watched it” – don’t move on that line…say it to start the scene boldly, THEN move.
Jane – “Tits, you mean.” – punch that line harder…nail him with it.
Giuseppe – the “slick, slippery” monologue – seems prepared…like he has practiced this…find these descriptors for the first time…in the moment.
Charlie – “You’re always moody” – “always” should have the emphasis.
Max – a ghost doesn’t fix his hat and hair when watching others argue.
Charlie / Eia – the gay section was messy… unfocused.
Giuseppe – “I knew you were shameless…” – nail her with quiet intensity here… hurt her.
Eia – “their own pile of forgotten bones” is a reference to the body…that’s not clear.
Ana – in final moments, when you are all going DR to sit in that little clump…you are too close to Eia…lag behind a bit more until right before you sit down.
Max – you ran back awkwardly to face the back wall in A…and killed the final moment for the trio by distracting… Say, “it never stops”, then slowly go stand facing the back wall as the scene finishes.
Eia – the last line is a huge moment… such an expression… Land it.
2:15
All – be clear on heads up / down moments… messy.
All – great adjustment on touching Tom…looked amazing.
All – the breath is BEFORE he says his last line…so touch, all breathe, then last line, then transition.
2:16
Athena – you enter when lights come up, not during the transition…and you don’t notice Lara until she speaks.
Sunny – let Frank get to the bench area before you speak.
2:17
Ana – “release us” is a demand, not a plea.
Ana – build with more and more defiance starting with “The sound of rain tapping…” It builds and builds, louder and stronger and stronger until the revelation with “before she…before she…”
Charlie / Eia – the breathing is great when you first fall back and hit the floor, but bring it to a lower volume quicker, so it doesn’t distract from the scene.
Max – Do not sink into Briar’s arms on “I didn’t think anything would happen”… in fact, almost yell that line at her…stay defiant, holding back the emotion until the next line…then sink on “I couldn’t” and “I wouldn’t have”… And then we need to hear sobbing before Briar speaks again. Also – you are rising back up too fast…he gets his composure back too quickly… You really must commit, heart and soul, to this climactic emotional moment…it’s the climax of the entire play…and a huge opportunity for both you and Ana to shine… Don’t fear it…embrace it.
Ana – in this climactic moment with Ronan, starting with “I’ll bury you”, I’m not seeing her tender care…there needs to be this outpouring of huge compassion and spiritual movement…
2:18
All - Last line is messy…
Max – last moment remains beautiful…
Curtain Call
ALL -
REVIEW THIS
REVIEW THIS
REVIEW THIS
Ask me questions if you are in doubt…
